Dear Mom of a Medically Complex Kid,
Because I know you won’t say it to yourself, so I will.
Hey, you. Yes, you—the mom of a medically complex kid, running on cold coffee, appointment reminders, and sheer force of will.
I see you. I see how much you do, how much you carry, and how much you overthink whether you’re doing “enough.”
So let me just say this loud and clear:
You are doing better than you think.
I don’t care if today felt like a disaster.
Maybe your kid ate leftover french fries off the car floor while you argued with insurance (again).
Maybe you forgot to schedule that follow-up for the third time. (We’ll get to that in a second… because I’ve been there.)
Maybe you finally got a minute to yourself and spent it Googling things you know you shouldn’t.
None of that means you’re failing. It means you’re human.
We All Drop the Ball (Even When We Think We Won’t)
For years, I prided myself on my perfect attendance record for medical appointments. Not because it was a real thing—literally no one was keeping track but me.
Then, I missed our urology appointment. Twice.
The office kept calling and rescheduling, and I kept forgetting to update my calendar. When I finally saw the big, bold MISSED next to it in MyChart, I was mortified. The shame. The embarrassment. The absolute betrayal of my own brain.
I confessed my failure to one of our therapists, expecting her to at least give me a look of sympathy. Instead, she shrugged and said, “It’s honestly a miracle you made it a few years before missing one.”
…Excuse me?
And then she hit me with this: “Nobody really notices in the grand scheme of things.”
That’s when I realized—moms of medically complex kids hold ourselves to impossible standards. We remember every little thing we mess up, but we never give ourselves credit for the million things we juggle right.
So if you’ve ever felt like you’re failing because you missed something, forgot something, or weren’t perfectly prepared… welcome to the club. You’re doing just fine.
Your Brain is Wired to Panic—Even When the Answer is Stupidly Simple
The other day, I was convinced my son’s AFOs suddenly didn’t fit. My medical mom brain went into full emergency mode.
Did I wait too long to get him refitted?
Did I mess something up?
Is this going to set back his progress??
I spiraled hard—until I talked to the orthotist.
“Oh, just pop out the sole padding in his shoe for now.”
…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That was it. That was the answer. No crisis, no setback—just one of those ridiculously simple solutions that I somehow overlooked because I’m too used to dealing with actual complex problems.
This is life when you’re parenting a medically complex child. We are out here solving giant medical mysteries daily, but sometimes? We just need someone to remind us that the fix might be as simple as pulling out an insole.
Your Kid Doesn’t Care About the Stuff You Stress Over
You know what your child will not remember?
- Whether you sent the perfect follow-up email to their specialist.
- If you planned out every therapy session down to the minute.
- How many Pinterest-perfect sensory activities you set up.
You know what they will remember?
- That you were there.
- That you fought for them.
- That you made them feel safe, even on the hardest days.
That’s what actually matters. Not the checklists. Not the guilt. Not the second-guessing.
The “Shoulds” That Almost Broke Me
When my kids started feeding therapy, I was determined to do it right. I was blending up Pinterest-worthy meals—veggies, proteins, good fats, plain yogurt with fruit. And you know what?
They hated it.
I sat there, frustrated, stressing over why my homemade purees weren’t working.
Then the feeding therapist said something that changed everything:
“Abbey, just because they’re on purees doesn’t mean they don’t eat like kids. What about mac and cheese? Spaghetti? Chicken and mashed potatoes?”
I blinked. “Wait… I’m allowed to do that?”
She laughed and said, “They’re your kids. There are no rules.”
That was a game-changer. Because when I stopped obsessing over perfect nutrition and focused on helping them actually enjoy food, they started making progress.
So if you’re stuck in the “shoulds”—let me be the one to tell you: You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do what works.
The Inner Monologue of Every Medical Mom on Appointment Day
We will be on time if we leave at this time.
💨 Shit, someone just puked.
Okay, quick cleanup—we still might be on time.
💨 The other kid just had a blowout. SERIOUSLY??
Alright, deep breaths. We’ll be running in right on time. Thank God for valet.
🚗 Pull up to valet. Unload the car.
WE FORGOT TOYS.
Okay, Blippi and Ms. Rachel it is. I know I’ll look like that mom, but whatever.
😩 WHEN will I learn to keep toys in the car?
Oh good, we’re only four minutes late.
🏃♀️ Speed walk to the kiosk.
Tap. Skip.
Tap. Skip.
Tap. No, I do not need to scan my insurance card AGAIN.
Tap. Yes, it is still the same address. Yes, still the same phone number.
Tap. SKIP BALANCE DUE.
Tap. Oh my god, how many more screens?
Tap. Great, done. Finally.
🏃♀️ Run to the waiting room. Deep breath.
Nurse calls our name.
One More Time for the People in the Back: You Are Enough.
🔹 You are not failing.
🔹 You are not falling behind.
🔹 You are showing up, and that is enough.
So unclench your jaw. Take a deep breath. And for the love of all things holy, give yourself some credit.
Let’s Keep This Conversation Going
💬 Did this hit home? Drop a comment or DM me on Instagram @caffeinebeforethechaos and tell me how you’re really doing.
📌 Need help keeping medical chaos under control? Check out The Medical Mom Reset.
📌 Want to feel a little less alone in this medical mom life? Read the raw, unfiltered truth here.
📌 The one thing I always forget on appointment days? Toys. If you need a go-to, these diaper bag toy essentials have saved us more times than I can count.
And if this post made you feel even 1% better, share it with another medical mom who needs to hear this today. 💛
**Heads up! This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission—at no extra cost to you—if you make a purchase. I only recommend things I actually love and use in my own medical mom life!
No responses yet